PTSD & FASD:
Coming to Terms with the Empty Nest
Dorthy Beckwith
I’m not really sure how to write about PTSD regarding myself. I do have flashbacks once in awhile at my job at Head Start…especially when I see sweet little faces that have the look of FASD, little ones who come with labels of ADHD, etc. And I cringe when I hear impatient tones in the voices of some staff about “difficult” children who I know are desperately struggling with sensory overload. Such remarks cause me relive the pain of struggling with the schools and know-it-all professionals with my affected children Christina and Tony. As we learned from the conference that Ann Waller and Dr. Andrews tried unsuccessfully to host in Idaho, there is just not much interest in FASD in this state. So, I try to be a little bright spot in the day of some of those little ones who just may be one of our kids, just as I appreciated soooo much those true professionals who were patient, understanding, and compassionate with my two when they were in school.
Our daughter, Christina, will be 23 in a few months. She was so bubbly and happy until her freshman year in high school. Back then, she was really gifted in music and ice skating. We had taken her to dozens of doctors, counselors and therapists. All of these professionals and I begged the school to provide an aide for her to keep her safe, but they refused. In an unguarded moment, some gang members trapped her in a vacant room. Nothing was the same for Christina after that. Even though she won her lawsuit, the money is of little consequence except it helps to pay the expenses in the care facility where she’s lived for the past eight years. After the physical trauma was superimposed on top of FASD, Christina lost all interest in music and ice skating.
My own PTSD triggers these days are from Tony, now a young adult who is so vulnerable to gang activity. I still have nightmares about him that wake me up - although they are more infrequent now for two reasons. First, he no longer wants to be a part of the gang he joined here, and second he decided to live in another state. He’s working part time at a discount appliance store and renting a couch from a friend who has his own apartment. It’s probably a real dive. But that isn’t the most important thing at this point. He’s safe, he’s living with friends and he’s not living with us. When Tony was living here, he had such an insatiable need for peer companionship that the illegal activities of his fellow gang members drew Tony into the criminal justice system and nearly drove us crazy. Happily, he has been holding-his-own in the community and has just now been accepted into Job Corps.
The amazing thing is that both Tony and Christina are both making progress toward finding their places in the world. Consequently my husband and I are relieved and can sleep through the night once in a while now that they are not under foot here at home 24/7. The future for Tony and Christina is uncertain, but we do our best to keep the faith. We know the journey is not planned by us, but by our Heavenly Father. And we have learned that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
Healing Directions
By Ann Waller
When I first started thinking about writing an article on Caregiver PTSD, I hesitated. I knew it would involve thinking back into the past–dredging up all of the mental anguish and physical suffering involved in the days when my primary responsibility was taking care of children with FASD and PTSD ruled my life. But I also knew it would be worth it, if I could help others find their own pathways to the level of health, wholeness and peace I now enjoy.
Actually, at that time, thinking “backwards” was the norm. I was stuck in ongoing, frequent trauma and crisis. (I started to change the “I” to “we,” but my husband’s way of surviving was being a workaholic, so I don’t think he was traumatized as much or as long as I was.) In the early years–pre-FASD diagnoses–I didn’t have a clue what was going on, much less what to do about it. As a result, being the “highly responsible” person I am, I became obsessed with thinking backwards, trying to relive the past—asking all those questions about what “went wrong” and the coulda/shoulda/woulda ideas that just might have changed the outcomes…or not. Even after the kids were diagnosed in their mid-teens, I was still taking on responsibility for what they did, feeling like a total failure, meanwhile racking up more and more PTSD triggers.*
When things deteriorated to the point I experienced painful bouts of rheumatoid arthritis, pulsing adrenalin rushes several times a day, irritating and limiting multiple allergies, chronic back pain, recurring yeast infections, suicidal thoughts, etc., etc., I decided that even the “natural” dietary supplement routine was obviously not working. The good news is that now, after 7 ½ years of pursuing complimentary routes to healing and wholeness, a drastic shift is taking place. Now I rarely, if ever, dwell in the past, analyzing and rehashing what I could have done differently and strategizing how I must be prepared at any moment for the unexpected. Most of my previous physical conditions are either drastically improved or gone. I am learning to live in the present and even look forward to the future, instead of dreading it!
This is a huge indicator of how much healing has taken place within me. I’m not stuck in the past now–automatically reacting to the PTSD triggers. The more I am healed, the more triggers are cleared, thus freeing me to deliberately respond only to the current situation (instead of reacting to the accumulation of all of them) and I look forward to the future…Yes, I actually have one! I’m currently a ministerial student studying for ordination and sometime after that’s completed, I plan to pursue a PhD in Health Psychology. I want to help others become more healthy and whole in mind, body and spirit. You know it’s all connected, right?
I will confess it really helps that we don’t still have our adult children living under the same roof with us, nor do we have responsibility for raising our grandchildren, as some do. But my hope is that the more we experienced trailblazers share our wisdom and the effective healing techniques we’ve found, the better off the next generations will be. They won’t have to flounder as long and let as much PTSD accumulate as we did before discovering what can really help avoid it or clear it.
This brings me to the type of “healing directions” I have found to be the most effective to promote healing and wholeness–those that can identify the root causes of the problems then release them and the emotions and beliefs attached to them at the subconscious level and/or within the body’s energy systems. Since my faith is very important to me, all of the techniques and approaches that I chose to use with myself and with others are either faith-based (sometimes with my own adaptations) or they are spiritually neutral. Of course, it is always important to choose a practitioner who you can trust and with whom you feel safe. Here is my Top 10 List (non-ranked) with website links for more info and to locate qualified practitioners:
• BioEnergetic Synchronization Technique (B.E.S.T.) www.morter.com/what_is_best.php
• Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Techniques (NAET®) www.naet.com/subscribers/what.html
• Neurofeedback: www.eegspectrum.com/IntroToNeuro/
• Emotional Freedom Technique: www.emofree.com/newcomer.htm
• Transformational Healing Method of Hypnotherapy: www.hypnotherapycenter.com/faqs_main.html
• Total Biology (not a technique as much as an understanding of how/why we get ill): totalbiology.ca/main/claude_sabbah_e.htm
• The Journey: www.thejourneyusa.com/
• The Work: www.thework.com/thework.asp
• Reiki: www.reiki.org/FAQ/WhatIsReiki.html
• ThetaHealing: www.thetahealing.com/about-ThetaHealing.html
Best Wishes for health and wholeness of your mind, body and spirit!
Ann
www.healingdirections.org
*PTSD triggers can be defined as anything our subconscious associates with an unhealed trauma or unresolved conflict. Until the original incident or issue is healed, resolved and/or cleared, these triggers can evoke the same subconscious response as you had in the original situation—panic, fear, worry, pain, etc. This automatic response can sometimes be so strong that you can actually be re-traumatized by it.